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Omphaloskepsis

As true for so many other Americans, the last decade or so has been a real uphill climb for me, financially. Layoffs, learning to be a one income household, mortgages on houses that are in ill repair with tired appliances, state employee wages, and of course the mental/emotional/esoteric back story of it all – it all becomes rather challenging, yes? Nevertheless, upon weighing the ups and downs, life itself has been pretty darn good, struggles notwithstanding.

The past year has been particularly daunting. Moving, renting, getting tangled up in the web of insanity which calls itself GMAC (if you get a chance to pick them as your mortgage holder, DON’T. Honest. Trust me on that.). For months I dealt with the threat of foreclosure, due to a largely red tape snafu until finally I decided to just put the damn house on the market. Upon making the decision, I immediately knew it was the right one. Absolutely. Not just selling the house, but the action of moving on with my life.

So I set my intention to make it happen, asking for help along the way – from legal and real estate advice, to requesting good vibes and prayer. Yep, all that. And it’s been tense and something of a race against time. But last week, “it” happened. After offers, counter offers and all that posturing, a deal was made. Ahhhh… a win-win situation for all and I can breathe a major sigh of relief.

So on Monday, my house went into escrow and I went into …

… a crazy twisty tumble of relief and regret, of sadness and doubt and mostly a feeling of “now what?” free fall. Suddenly my whole being was flooded with memories and emotions – Christmases with the boys, hanging with friends, the remnants of a dysfunctional but secure relationship, a safe and comfortable life that I still miss, in many ways.

If that wasn’t a Down the Rabbit Hole moment, I don’t know what is.

Although I’ve regained a degree of perspective, there is still a slow motion earthquake taking place beneath me. Shaky ground, unsure territory. But perfectly safe, if I navigate it wisely.

The odd thing is - this is the beginning of a new era and a very, very, very good thing.  Guess I just forgot about the 'saying goodbye' part.

Coincidentally (and you KNOW what I think of that word), the closest thing I have to a counselor or spiritual advisor will be on island this weekend. Am planning to camp out on his doorstep, I think. Like a puppy that just won’t go away until she gets enough head pats and scratches. But I digress…

The point is this:

We experience pivotal moment in our lives. Moments where the old ways that no longer serve us begin to crumble and crash – via our conscious intentions or otherwise. All we can really do is take a deep breath and say goodbye. And I'm okay with that. 

However, the part that I want to get RIGHT this time around is being conscious of what the old stuff is being replaced with. And the only way to do that is with love, gratitude and forgiveness as I let go of my past, and make the decision - with complete and total trust - to follow my soul.

What a crazy ride we’re all on, yeah?  Here's a toast to all our journeys, rich and varied as they are.



Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Mar. 26th, 2011 01:55 pm (UTC)
Scary and exciting
It's always both scary and exciting to step out of your comfort zone and embark on a new adventure. I'm sure you'll learn a lot, have a good time, and land on your feet. Hugs. (this message was brought to you by bluenfree)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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